LIFE & LEMONS

I don't want to undermine the happiest day of my life by whining about how real life isn't as fun as getting married and sleeping in and making cookies and watching tv in bed. Being married is AMAZING. It's the best decision I have ever made.

But, reality has to set in sometime, and for me that was today. Because Cob and I didn’t really have a honeymoon (yet!), we had to go back to work the Monday after we got married. It was fine at first, but then I started to get bored. I don’t love my job and I don’t know what the end goal is for my career. I’m only mildly focused when I’m at work, and I’m super lazy and tired and unmotivated to do anything outside of work, because “working” takes up all my energy, even though I’m not doing a good job at it. It’s a terrible cycle to be caught in.

All of these frustrations were rolling around in my head today when I saw something that really struck me. There was a thread on Reddit discussing depression and anxiety and what to do when life gives you lemons. Everyone there felt completely discouraged and overwhelmed with all the “lemons" they had to deal with. I was commiserating with every comment. Life is rough. School is hard. Work is boring. The things that we hate need constant care and attention and the things that we love never seem to happen.

But then I realized something: Our existence can be totally stupid and miserable and boring and every other bad adjective we can think of.

If we let it be. IT'S OUR CHOICE!

We have the ability to make the best lemonade someone has ever tasted out of the crappiest lemons grown on planet earth. It’s our choice. We can take the lemons that life will inevitably give us and let them rot or throw them away, OR we can take a deep breath and start making some dang good lemonade! Of course this is easier said than done! It's scary to get up every morning knowing that what you’re doing isn’t fun or exciting or maybe even important. Making lemonade may be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, but the alternative is so much worse.

Life WILL give you lemons. Every day, for the rest of your life, you will be handed a bunch of lousy lemons that you don't want. The question is, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THEM?

Love, Rebecca

LOVE

“Love is meant to be an adventure."

Gordon B. Hinckley

WE'RE MARRIED!

j.taylor photography

Love, Rebecca

YOUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER

My car broke down on the way to work this morning.

Again.

In the middle of the freeway.

I pretty much lost it.

WHY does this keep happening to us? Cob and I are doing everything right, we're getting married in 3 days, and yet our lives are just falling apart!

I honestly don't know if these bad things are the devil trying to keep us from getting married. It certainly seems that way. I do know that they have taught me to be more careful, more thoughtful, and more relaxed when emergencies arise. This is NOT easy for me. I am a planner and a perfectionist and I can't handle surprise parties, let alone a flat tire. I feel like I am somewhat volatile lately and it's difficult for me to see the big picture. I just have to keep reminding myself that this crazy busy season of life will pass and I will be able to breathe again. I read through President Uchtdorf's talk Your Happily Ever After in which he describes the trials characters in fairy tales had to go through to reach their destiny. His words were extremely comforting to me.

“In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy.

My dear young sisters, you need to know that you will experience your own adversity. None is exempt. You will suffer, be tempted, and make mistakes. You will learn for yourself what every heroine has learned: through overcoming challenges come growth and strength.

It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop."

I am so tired of these trials. Sometimes I just burst into tears because I don't know how I can handle one more thing. But I know that there is a lesson to be learned from it. I'm learning to be grateful, to be patient, to be understanding, and to have hope for the future. Because in just a few days it will be my turn and then I can live happily ever after. Forever!!!

Love, Rebecca

LIGHT

Mosiah 16: 8-9

8) But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ.

9) He is the light and the life of the world; yea, a light that is endless, that can never be darkened; yea, and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death.

THE TEMPLE

I had the wonderful opportunity to receive my endowment in the Salt Lake Temple this morning. It was a new/scary/exciting experience for me, and I'm having a hard time putting everything into words. I was so blessed to be there with all of my grandparents and immediate family who have been endowed. Cob and his parents were there, too, and that meant a lot to me. Even though certain parts of the ceremony were new, the spirit I felt was very familiar and I knew that what I learned there was good and right and true. I just wanted to document the experience with a few of my favorite temple quotes.

Gordon B. Hinckley:
“The temple is concerned with things of immortality. It is a bridge between this life and the next. All of the ordinances that take place in the house of the Lord are expressions of our belief in the immortality of the human soul."

James E. Faust:

“Each temple building is an inspiration, magnificent and beautiful in every way, but the temple building alone does not bless. The endowed blessings and divine functions—come through obedience and faithfulness to priesthood authority and covenants made."

Joseph B. Wirthlin:

“As we come unto Christ and journey to higher ground, we will desire to spend more time in His temples, because the temples represent higher ground, sacred ground."

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS

Cob and I met when we were in sixth grade. He's always been somewhat of a presence in my life, so it's hard to imagine anything without him. But there are certain moments we've shared together that remind me how much I love him and how happy I am to be getting married. This is just a list of a few of those recent moments:

-Comedy Sportz with his old mission companion Mckay in January.
-Going to Burger's Supreme after I filmed a commercial for my advertising class and was absolutely exhausted.
-That time he went to Denny's all by himself, not realizing it was a sit down restaurant and ended up eating lunch alone. Then he told me about it and I COULD NOT stop laughing.
-Ring shopping. We ate at Zupas and then went to Wilson Diamonds and I picked out my ring within the first 30 minutes. Then we walked to the Provo Library and read through a book of poetry and I wouldn't stop looking at pictures of the ring.
-Attending a fireside about dating and temple marriage and talking about our relationship and our goals as a couple (even though we weren't engaged yet!)
-Watching General Conference together.
-Getting engaged. When Cob actually got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, I thought my heart was going to explode from happiness. I still feel that sometimes.
-Walking around the East Lawn Memorial Cemetery in Provo.
-Hugging him at Sarah Griffiths Rodriguez's wedding after I'd been so busy all day.
-The day I left for Mexico. I wanted Cob to come to Mexico SO BADLY but his job schedule wouldn't allow it. The day that I left we went to Rock Canyon park for lunch and ate an entire Little Ceasers pizza. I gave him a bunch of letters to open while I was gone. It was just happy and fun.
-The night I got back from Mexico. We had been apart for so long and we missed each other like CRAZY. And then I got home and Cob had finished the table we were working on for our apartment. It was perfect. There is something about seeing Cob work hard that reminds me how wonderful he is and makes me want to be better to him.
-Trying to talk about the wedding dinner on the flight home from South Carolina and laughing uncontrollably (I don't even remember why).
-Listening to him share his thoughts about his mission with my family at FHE
-Engagement pictures. I put so much thought into my hair and our outfits and the location and when we finally got there, everything was perfect. Our photographer did an amazing job of making us look good and still capturing us. I also made Cob look through our engagement pictures at least 4356873949 times trying to choose one for our invitation and I think he got so sick of it he just let me choose whichever ones I wanted.
-Seeing him in our apartment after I tried to make it a little cuter. Cob always appreciates the funny little things I do for him and I love him for that.

Everyday with Cob gets better and better. I can NOT wait to get married!!!

Love, Rebecca

COMPASSION

“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with it's worst horrors."
Andrew Boyd

FORTUNATELY/UNFORTUNATELY

Unfortunately, I have a terrible job that requires me working late at night and early in the morning.

Fortunately, Cob let me stop at McDonalds on my way to work so I could get some wifi (and breakfast) and turn in my project on time.

Unfortunately, we couldn't find a decent parking spot at the Utah County Administration Building.

Fortunately, we picked up our marriage license!!!

Unfortunately, the car broke down while I was driving Cob home from work.

Fortunately, Cob dealt with everything while I cried like a baby on the couch.

Unfortunately, the car battery was dead and we needed a tow truck.

Fortunately, our insurance policy covers towing up to 15 miles from the scene of the accident.

Unfortunately, we had to wait 90 minutes for the tow truck to come.

Fortunately, Will from Larry's Towing showed up and got everything taken care of.

Unfortunately, I was stuck in Provo for the night.

Fortunately, Cob took me to the mall so I could buy something to wear to work in the morning, and he drove me to my (OUR) new apartment so I could shower and go to bed.

Unfortunately, there was no shower curtain at the apartment. Or towel. Or shampoo.

Fortunately, there was bubble bath.

Unfortunately, I had to turn in another project early in the morning. And unfortunately, there was no wifi at my apartment.

Fortunately, Cob drove me to McDonald's (AGAIN) so we could get wifi and breakfast.

Unfortunately, we had to go to work still feeling tired and hungry.

Fortunately, we had time to cuddle in the car.

Unfortunately, there are bad days. Lots of them. Life is full of break ups and break downs and bumps in the road. But FORTUNATELY, the good days outnumber the bad every time. And when the bad days are over and we can go to bed, maybe we can have a good laugh. After all, it's not every day you get to eat every meal at McDonalds!

Love, Rebecca

REMODELING

Tonight, Cob and I went to the Ogden Temple open house. On the way there, we were talking about why they decided to remodel the temple and the effort it must have required to turn the old, ugly (in my opinion) building into the beautiful castle it is now.

Our conversation reminded me of this quote by C.S. Lewis:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

Like the temple, sometimes our lives need to be remodeled. Sometimes we have to get rid of the bad, unhealthy habits, and make room for the new, good ones. Doing this requires a lot of courage, faith, and vulnerability. We have to be willing to give up our comfort and control so that Heavenly Father can help us live the life we are capable of living. I'm terrible at this. I resist change because it's scary and inconvenient. But I'm learning to enjoy the sacred process of progression rather than resist it, and I hope that this allows me to make a life that is better, happier, more beautiful, and more about Him.

Love, Rebecca

DATE NIGHT

I am on an emotional roller coaster.

One day I feel perfectly fine and the next I'm having a nervous breakdown and listening to Kurt Bestor in my car to keep me from bawling my eyes out. But I couldn't bring myself to write one more post about how "I was so stressed but then something good happened and now I feel great."

So I decided to write something fun instead.

I was texting Cob yesterday during work and I said, "I feel like the wedding is turning into a chore and a hassle instead of something happy and exciting. We need to do something. Let's go on a date."

So, like the perfect gentleman he is, he took me on a date! First we went to Rumbi's and ate the DELICIOUS fish tacos with caribbean rice and beans. Then we headed to Central Utah Gardens in Orem. I pass the gardens everyday while driving to work and I mentioned to Cob earlier that I wanted to go check it out. It was beautiful! We were the only ones there, and we took our time walking through the flowers and plants in each section of the garden. There were even little model homes to demonstrate how you could landscape your yard using low-water plants. It was just fun. And the best part was, it was FREE! Nothing better than that.

After our walk around the gardens, we headed to a bakery and got some cute cupcakes. Then (after making a quick detour at Hobby Lobby to buy frames, because I can't just relax and forget about the wedding even for one second), we walked around the Rock Canyon neighborhood barefoot and talked about everything under the sun. Then he drove me home and we kissed in the car because that's what happens when you're engaged and you don't get any privacy :).

All in all, it was a perfect night. Quiet and relaxed and romantic. I drove home with a big smile on my face feeling blissfully happy because I remembered I'm in love! I know I've said it a million times, but I'm so excited to get married and to feel this way forever.

Love, Rebecca

BROKEN

Broken clouds give rain
Broken soil grows grain
Broken bread feeds man for one more day
Broken storms yield light
The break of day heals night
Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
Could it be that God loves broken things?

Broken chains set free
Broken swords bring peace
Broken walls make friends of you and me
To break the ranks of sin
To break the news of Him
To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending
Broken hearts for offering
I believe that God loves broken things

And yet our broken faith, our broken promises
Sent love to the cross
And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His
Offers us such grace and mercy
Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending
This broken heart for offering
I'm convinced that God loves broken me

Praise His name, my God loves broken things.

Kenneth Cope, Broken

BECOMING

My cousin’s beautiful wife Bethany has a blog that I regularly turn to for inspiration. She has had so many trials in her time but she’s never let it shake her testimony. Her blog is all about “becoming.” Becoming older, better, kinder, more like Christ. She posted this article on her blog a long time ago and I thought it was so inspiring I wanted to share my thoughts on it here, too. (To be honest, the talk is much more powerful than anything I could write, so I would really recommend reading the whole thing, even though it’s long).

Elder Oaks says that the gospel is more than just knowing something. It’s about BECOMING something. He tells the story of the laborers in the vineyard who came at different times and all received the same wages. Some of the workers were upset that those who didn’t come until the end of the day got the same pay as those who had been there the whole time. But Elder Oaks says, “… the Master’s reward in the Final Judgment will not be based on how long we have labored in the vineyard. We do not obtain our heavenly reward by punching a time clock. What is essential is that our labors in the workplace of the Lord have caused us to become something. For some of us, this requires a longer time than for others. What is important in the end is what we have become by our labors.”

So what does Heavenly Father want us to become? In 3 Nephi 27:27 it says, “Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.” He wants us to become like Christ. He wants us to be happy and kind and honest and pure. He wants us to become good husbands and wives and mothers and fathers and good members of society. And He doesn’t expect us to become all those things today or tomorrow or anytime soon. He has given us our whole lives to become who He wants us to be.

I know it can be hard to measure our progress on this journey of becoming, but it is the goal of becoming that is really important. Heavenly Father knows who we are and who we are capable of becoming. Don’t be afraid to become who He wants you to be. His plan will bring us happiness and hope not just today but forever.

I personally want to become more patient and more positive. I want to become a better cook and a better student. I want to become an outstanding employee and a loyal friend. Most of all, I want to become a good wife and a loyal daughter of God. And I know that through the gospel of Jesus Christ I can become all of that and more.

Love, Rebecca

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

-School supplies
-Newly sharpened pencils
-Crying yourself to sleep
-Waking up feeling fresh and clean and happy
-Sunshine
-Sunflowers
-Packages in the mail
-Late night conversations
-Popcorn
-Pizza and root beer
-Laughter
-Birthdays
-The way Cob smells
-Unopened waterbottles
-Newborn babies
-Buying something beautiful and wearing it everyday
-Kisses on the cheek
-Lunch with friends
-Road trips
-Movies
-Audrey Hepburn
-Sleeping in
-Primary
-Milkshakes
-Christmas music
-Bringing my electric blanket to work
-Yoga pants
-Soft sweatshirts
-Shopping with my mom
-Rainy days
-Twinkle lights
-Good jazz music

-Cemeteries
-Making something cute & crafty
-Decorating my room
-Pinterest
-Sticky notes
-Getting a haircut
-Nail polish
-Playing Just Dance with Abby and Caroline
-The temple
-Wearing lipstick
-Elementary schools

-Gardens
-Beautiful poetry
-Pink
-Giraffes
-Exercising (did I just write that?!)
-Afternoon naps
-Ballet
-Singing in the Rain
-Mountains
-Brownie sundaes
-Homecomings
-Smiles
-Laughter
-Light

-Christ

STRESS & SUNSHINE

It’s a cheesy title for a post, but I don’t care!

As everyone knows, I have a lot going on in my life right now, and when another random responsibility arrives, the chances of me freaking out and crying go up by 10000000000000000%. Yesterday I was on the verge of tears all day because I had to do something for work and it turned out all wrong and then I yelled at my Dad on the phone even though he was only trying to help and then I told Caroline I couldn’t play Ticket to Ride for the millionth time and she said it was ok but I knew she was sad. It was just a bad day, and everything anyone did was making everything worse.

What finally made me feel better was sitting down and emailing my siblings on missions. Because Abby is coming home next week and Jonathan has just passed the year mark, I wanted to write them both really nice letters and make sure they knew that I was thinking of them. When I finally pulled out my computer and started writing and thinking about them and their needs, I felt SO much better. Pulling my head out of my own problems and thinking about how I could help other people made me realize how much I have to be grateful for. I should be so happy! I have a great life! I have an amazing family who would drop anything and come to my side if I needed it. I have Cob, the most perfect boyfriend/fiancé/friend in the world who puts up patiently with my incessant meltdowns and picky eatings and perfectionist tendencies. I have Cob’s family, who has taken me as their own and makes me feel like I have always belonged to them. 

Most of all, I have the gospel. The light and truth to give me courage and confidence when I feel like everything is falling apart. The love of Jesus Christ to carry me through the bad emails and the bad friends and the bad days that never seem to end. I am so blessed in so many ways.

So here’s to a new day, full of life and light and HOPE.

Love, Rebecca

EVERYDAY LIFE

“I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.”

Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life